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Weekend Humor: Twenty Driving Haikus

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I’m going to be spending a lot of time on the road in the next couple of weeks. In honor of that, here are some driving Haikus.

20. Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink
    Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink.
    Someday, you’ll turn left.

19. Lumbering monster.
    Imports scatter before me.
    Fear my Escalade!

18. I’m in a hurry.
    You are driving too slowly.
    I must gesture now.

17. It’s always the same:
    “Next exit 84 miles”
    When I have to pee.

16. Emits pollution
    And spews poison gases.  Car?
    No, it’s Joy Beher.

15. Rearview mirror shows
    Highway patrol behind me.
    How many did I have?

14. Wake up in ER.
    I was driving and reading,
    Then I heard a crash.

13. Oooh, there’s a Starbucks!
    Let’s pull over and buy some
    Five-dollar coffee.

12. H2 SUV.
    Traffic jam, gas tank on E.
    U R SOL.

11. Run, pedestrian!
    I can’t stop!  Jump that curb!… Damn.
    Bumpers are *not* cheap.

10. An exact-change lane,
    And you’ve only brought Visa?
    Please, never leave home.

9. Wheels are like mountains
    In your giant monster truck.
    Your schlong?  Still compact.

8. Pony-tailed boomer
    Doing thirty while singing
    “Life in the Fast Lane.”

7. Get off that cell phone!
    Safety dictates only *one*
    Driver’s side air bag.

6. Use the crosswalk, fool!
    I might not react in time!
    Well, those are the brakes.

5. Self-important prick!
    Signal turns or you may find
    Baby on *dash* board.

4. Car slides over bridge!
    Glad my underwear is clean.
    Oops!  I spoke too soon.

3. Cut *me* off, you scum?
    Pass you on the right!  I win!!
    Morning, officer.

2. Something just happened
    Between me and the leather.
    Please crack a window.

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Driving Haiku…

1. My toll-booth hottie
    Can’t hear my smooth pickup lines
    Over the car horns.

List originally published June 18, 2003 by The Top Five List