Unquestionably one of my favorite lists of all time. Origin unknown, from a 1999 email.
TOP 12 THINGS LIKELY TO BE OVERHEARD IF YOU HAD A KLINGON PROGRAMMER
12. “Specifications are for the weak and timid!”
11. “This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need at least eight cores and 32 gigs of RAM if I am to do battle with this code!”
10. “You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.”
9. “Indentation?! — I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!”
8. “What is this talk of ‘release’? Klingons do not make software ‘releases.’ Our software ‘escapes’ leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.”
7. “Klingon function calls do not have ‘parameters’ — they have ‘arguments’ — and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.”
6. “Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.”
5. “I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.”
4. “A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!”
3. “By filing this PTR you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!”
2. “You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!”
And the Number One Thing Likely to be Overheard with a Klingon Programmer on the Team is…
- “Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!”