List originally published by Top 5 on October 2, 1998
The Top 13 Signs That Evil Forces are Out to Get You
13. Only job you can get: Post Office Employee Grievance Counselor.
12. All the videotapes in your house have been recorded over with “Ally McBeal” and “Dawson’s Creek” re-runs.
11. Whenever you get to the punchline, all you can think of are funny hurricane names.
10. Every morning, a huge black raven lands on your window sill, and then tries to sign you up to a record club.
9. AT&T, Sprint and MCI all STOP calling for fear of association with you.
8. 36D, blonde, and you’ve decided the best way to cope with the gruesome murders of your sorority sisters is with
a hot, relaxing shower.
7. Channel 1 — The WB.
Channel 2 — The WB.
Channel 3 — The WB.
AAAAAAAAAH!!!
6. Every day another email mocking you and calling you “Chester.”
5. Another night, another bat symbol in the sky… I NEED SATURDAY NIGHT OFF, YOU BASTARDS!!!
4. At the DUI checkpoint, you hear one officer say to another, “These are not the ‘droids we’re looking for.”
3. Three words: Tang price fixing!!
2. Roommate’s note on fridge: “Evil Forces called. Will try back later.”
and Top5’s Number 1 Sign That Evil Forces are Out to Get You…
1. Mimes… everywhere you look: MIMES!!!