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Weekend Humor – Investing in the Wrong Stocks

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We could definitely use a few extra laughs this week.

The Top 13 Signs You’ve Invested in the Wrong Stocks

13. The first and last annual financial statement starts, “Hi from sunny Rio, where your country can’t enforce
extradition…”
12. While a Price-to-Earnings ratio of 10 is considered good, your stocks have an abnormally high Price-per-Idiot
ratio.
11. Your life savings are gone, your shares are worthless, and you have 10 U-Hauls filled with “The Butt Master.”
10. Your brokerage firm: Merrill Lynch Mob.
9. You keep find your company’s stock certificates stuffed in homeless guys’ change cups.
8. You put everything into a new frozen desert chain called “I Can’t Believe It’s Rendered Gristle!”
7. Your stock analyst has alerted your employer to put you on “Death Watch.”
6. A few of the board members have made personal calls just to assure stockholders that continued backing of
Vinny’s Cement Company is a “good” idea.
5. Your broker advises you to take what’s left and put it all on 22 Black.
4. Stock certificates are perforated, two-ply, and have faint “Charmin” watermark.
3. You really want to jump out of a window, but you’re pretty sure that all those other bodies will break your fall and
you’d only end up with a broken leg or back.
2. The emergency share holder meeting takes place out on a very skinny ledge of a very tall building.

and Top5’s Number 1 Sign You’ve Invested in the Wrong Stocks…

1. The just-released quarterly report of your major holding was printed on the back of the CEO’s suicide note.

List originally published by Top5List.com on September 3, 1998.
Header picture found at Zero Hedge.