A few Saturday thoughts worthy of Jack Handey. (For all I know, some of these were stolen from Jack. I don’t know, this email’s old enough to buy itself a drink. We weren’t real big on source attribution back then.
- If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip’s Screwdriver?
- Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? (It must mean nutty, because Daffy Duck is whacky)
- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
- Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
- Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
- When cheese gets it’s picture taken, what does it say?
- Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
- Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Music Break!
- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
- If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
- Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
- “I am ” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do ” is the longest sentence? (NO COMMENT! ed.)
- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
- Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure? (Well, duh? Are you supposed to believe everything you hear??)
- If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
- If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?”