Courtesy of Brian Niemeier’s and Attorney Fren’s Twitter feeds comes this little gem of insanity. As a man who’s been married for 20+ years and expects to rejoin the dating pool on the far side of never, I don’t have a dog in this fight. However, I do have kids who may be effected by this nonsense at some point. So, in the interest of “Advice I’d give to my teenage daughter”, let’s fisk this stupid bingo card, starting with the upper-left square and working our way across.
Short – Wow, right off the bat we’ve got a nice double standard. I mean, preference is preference is preference, but if a guy says he doesn’t want any girl who’s less than a C cup, he’s a misogynist pig, but if a woman says she’ll only date men over 6 feet tall, she’s an empowered princess. GREEN FLAG.
Has a Desktop PC – Uh what? Okay, maybe I’m biased because I’ve owned desktop PCs since my first rig in the 90s, but why would this be a red flag? Because he might game on it? More likely at this point he’s either using it for work/business/side hustle, and/or he also uses it for gaming. GREEN FLAG.
No/Inactive Social Media – Because that means he’s hiding something, right? Or maybe he just doesn’t feel the need to post his entire life to Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/whatever. YELLOWISH GREEN FLAG.
Laughs at disabled people – Okay, I’ll give you that one. How a man treats people with bigger struggles than himself is absolutely a mark of his character. RED FLAG.
Racist – Actual real racist? Sure, red flag. Racist in the leftist sense of “fails to bow to the DIE gods”? Green flag.
No Netflix Subscription – WTF, why? Girl, you are a strong, empowered woman, buy your own flowers Netflix subscription, and leave the man alone. Maybe he’s busy doing other things and sees that subscription as a waste of money. Maybe he’s going gazelle intense and trying to get debt free and has cut all his unnecessary expenses. Maybe he likes a few other streaming services more. Whatever. GREEN FLAG
Poor Hygiene – Gross. Dude, take care of yourself. Sure, RED FLAG.
Spends More Than Two Hours on Computer – Need context. Outside of work? Does he not own a TV? So many perfectly legit reasons for this. It’s like the original user just hated guys who didn’t veg on the couch watching The Bachelor after work or something. GREEN FLAG
Rarely Goes Outside – I’ll give you a yellow on that one. Aside from some possible mental illness issues, (or living somewhere that it’s friggin’ freezing in the winter) everyone should be getting outside at least a little bit most days, just for health reasons. YELLOW FLAG
Hyper political – Sure. Making politics your life isn’t healthy. On either side of the isle. RED FLAG
Virgin – This is stupid and I shouldn’t have to explain why. GREEN FLAG
Watches Documentaries – Oh, here’s that double standard again. Women love true crime documentaries, but if a man watches documentaries, it’s a red flag? Unless he’s obsessed with Nazi Germany, Stalin’s Russia, or Woodrow Wilson’s racist politics, then GREEN FLAG
Sexist – Same question as racist. Actual sexist, sure. RED FLAG. Sexist because he doesn’t believe every single DIE talking point? GREEN FLAG.
Live with Parents – I’ll give you a yellow. There are some good reasons for a man to be living with his parents (saving to get out of debt, saving for a place of his own, just moved back and figuring out what he wants to do, caring for aging/ill family) but there are also some slacker reasons. YELLOW FLAG because caution until you find out why.
Does Drugs – I thought were were all “free love and free drugs!” No? I don’t actually disagree with this one. Hard drugs can and will ruin almost everyone’s life. Get out before you get trapped too. RED FLAG
Weird Kinks/Sexual Depravity – I guess we’re over the whole 50 Shades of Grey thing too, huh? Good. RED FLAG
Makes Less than 30k/year – Here, I’ll give you this one too. Starting wages in a lot of places are now $15 per hour. Working 40 hours a week, 50 weeks out of the year for that pay would give you a 30k annual salary. Unless he’s a student, a man should have a job that pays at least that. And really, if he’s looking to start a career/date and create a family, he should be either making more, or have plan to make more. If you can’t make 30k working full time, you’re not trying hard enough. RED FLAG
No Car – I thought cars were evil destroyers of the environment. But now we care? Personal opinion, a guy should own his own car, but I’m willing to entertain reasonable circumstances in which said ownership is unnecessary. YELLOW FLAG
Android/Dumb phone – This is just materialistic and stupid. There are lots of good Android phones. Why worship at the Cult of Apple? – GREEN FLAG
Masturbates Daily – No sexual control. RED FLAG
Lots of free time – Trap/double standard BS. If he’s working his butt off to get ahead, she’s going to complain that he never has time for her. If he’s got too much free time, then he’s got no ambition. The only way this is a red flag is if he’s unemployed or a criminal, which are red flags of their own. YELLOW FLAG
Has a picture with guns – God forbid that a man should want tools to protect himself and his property. Maybe it’s not the best judgment to show them off in a dating profile, but whatever. Frankly, I’m telling my daughters that if he’s scared of guns and doesn’t own any, that’s a red flag right there. GREEN FLAG
Overweight/Underweight – Oh good, there’s the double standard again. A woman is beautiful and a queen at any size, but it’s a red flag if a guy has a few extra pounds or not enough? First remove the beam from your own eye. Although I’ll give you if he’s morbidly obese and doesn’t seem to take care of himself at all. YELLOW FLAG
Religious – Oh no, a man who believes in something greater than himself. The horror! Maybe he holds to some higher truths and believes that there are some immutable principles too! Agh! No! GREEN FLAG, obviously.
Visible Trash Pile in room – And we’re ending with gross. Sure. Throw your trash away, dude, it’s nasty. RED FLAG.
So in the end, from the original list of 25 red flags, we’ve got 8 actual red flags, 2 conditional red flags, 5 yellow flags, and 10 green flags, plus two conditionals. And I’d tell my sons that any woman using a card like this to decide whether or not to date a man is a red flag that they should immediately flee from.